Gluttony holds a cardinality of two on the Catholic list of seven deadly sins, trumped only by Lust, which, incidentally, is number two on the Judaic list of exceptional sins, trumped only by Idolatry. (Idolatry does not appear on the Catholic list. Perhaps the Catholics love their God less than their older Jewish siblings do.) The word gluttony derives from the Latin gluttire meaning to gulp down or swallow. By standard definition it means over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste. However, St. Gregory the Great, St. Thomas Aquinas and other church leaders from the Middle Ages argue that Gluttony also consists of the eating of delicacies and costly foods, seeking after sauces and seasonings, or simply eating too eagerly. Yes, humanity, Thomas Aquinas himself damns you to the seven hells, whence you will apparently be waited on hand and foot by adorable goat monsters. Let us consider some of your mighty excesses.

The turducken, for those not already in the know, is a preposterous dish consisting of a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken. It is common to further stuff the chicken with sausage, though some folk prefer seasoned bread. It is commonly thought to have been created by Hebert's Specialty Meats in Maurice, Louisiana, when an unknown local farmer brought in his own birds and asked Hebert's to prepare them in the now-familiar style. However, such layering of animals has been practiced for centuries. The tetrapharmacum, an old dish of the Roman Imperials invented by Caesar Aelius Verus, contained a sow's udder, a wild boar, a pheasant, and a ham in pastry. (This, of course, brings to mind the Scotch egg, which is a shelled hard-boiled egg, wrapped in a sausage meat mixture, coated in breadcrumbs, and deep-fried. Contrary to popular belief, Scotch Eggs were actually invented by the famous London department store, Fortnum & Mason in 1738 and are still available from them today.)

And what of beverage? Attend me well, heathens! I can smell your guilt from here. It is not uncommon these days to hear a well-heeled individual purchasing a Quad Ristretto Iced Venti Whole Milk Three Pump Vanilla Two Pump Cinnamon Dolce Extra Hot with Extra Foam Stirred Latte, as I can personally attest. But do not think the less well-to-do are less gluttonous for their lack of finance. More than once I have witnessed the "high calorie pick-me-up", which you can make yourself by emptying a sleeve of roasted peanuts into a bottle of Coca-Cola. Now you may drink and eat at the same time. There is also a grey area of cuisine in which things are neither solid nor liquid, but somewhere in between. Perhaps you are familiar with that age-old question, "Pardon me, but do you have any propellant-laden cheese-food?"

Alas, my time is short. To expedite matters I shall now ply you with image, not word, that you might better understand today's topic. Observe: